I have to actually follow through on my disability stuff today and over the weekend. I received three envelopes in the mail a few days ago and still haven’t opened them. I haven’t even gathered the info needed. Always procrastinating.
I think I procrastinate like I do because of anxiety and fear. Not knowing something is a source of anxiety for me, but finding out something and it not be good news or something positive is worse than just not knowing. If you find out something you didn’t want to hear, for me, it just makes me stress even more. Not opening those envelopes are a example of this.
Anyway. I plan to get dressed and cleaned up today. I not only have to deal with this disability stuff, but I have mail that was sent to my parent’s address that I need to get. I have a feeling this weekend will not be fun. And getting dressed is a issue for me, more on that later..
I’m sure that this weekend is the Super Bowl too. I dread it already. My BF’s mom was asking what are plans were for it and neither of us really had no idea or set plans. If we stay here at the house I get the feeling that his mom will invite all their family to come over. That means crowded and loud, obnoxious people screaming at a TV screen. I’m just guessing..
I haven’t really mentioned fasting so I here I go: I still have yet to get started. But I did weigh myself last night and it’s given me motivation to keep trying. I have a doctors appointment by Feb. 25th and I really want to be leaner, probably not at my ultimate goal weight, but closer. I really need to start and stick with it because I literally can’t wear the majority of my clothes.
I’m 5’6 and currently at 150 pounds. I hate being this heavy now. Just back in November I weighed 126 pounds. Every year I do this, put on weight and then start fasting intermittently to get slimmed down again. What a dumb, viscous cycle. I hate that I do this, but holidays involve food with my Bf’s family and mine too. It’s hard to say no, especially to these people!
I’m really hoping that I can resist food tonight and start up things. The weekends can be tough because everyone is home and they will either cook or order out. But it’s something you have to work past because there’s always something that will tempt you.
Tonight when cravings hit I will focus on my clothing not fitting and feeling like a bowl of jello. If I can keep focused I might be able to finally stick things out. If I will keep thinking long term results I know I will do better. It will still suck and be hard though..
When I started blogging I was hyper focused on fasting and tried to really be accountable to anyone following along. I took photos of the scale and of myself too. I may do it again because I didn’t do a good job last time. I don’t think that I even posted a “after” shot. If I can find a photo of me from fall/beginning of winter I’ll include that with other current and final weight pics.
I’d like to be back to 126 pounds, if I could get back to 117-123 that’d be absolutely ideal for me. But if I don’t get it together I will never see that weight again! Plus, I’m super tired of saying that I’m going to fast and then cave, it makes me feel like a fraud! Till next..